HELP !!!: I Impregnated A Pastor’s Daughter, We Rushed The Wedding

I’m Confused With The Way Forward With My Relationship And Marriage

2 years ago I met a lady through a colleague. We got really close and became friends, few months later we got intimate and eventually she got pregnant. She was so scared and devastated and pleaded that I not only accept the pregnancy but marry her as well…..her parents are both pastors and she didnt want to bring shame to them by having a child out of wedlock.

The truth is, I wasn’t ready for such commitment but I couldn’t bear to see her depressed and so devastated, so I succumbed to getting married to her. Within 2 months we had to do a rushed traditional wedding and white wedding but before that I told her I felt trapped and we had an agreement we weren’t going to be living together. This was because we both had different apartment at that time and due to proximity to work I wanted to stay on the island while she stayed on the mainland. She’s an entrepreneur and since she was pregnant it wasn’t going to be easy for her shuttling between island and mainland

She was ok with the agreement and all the while we lived apart. After the wedding I never wore the ring as I never considered myself married. My parents were the only ones that showed up at my wedding, all my sibling were really disappointed.

Anyway, to cut the long story, while I was with this lady before she got pregnant I met a lady at an event and immediately we connected. We would chat for several days and play chess game for long hours. We shared alot of common interest in our profession, games and all. She’s not the reading type so I always recommend books for her to read and we reviewed together. After about 3 months of communicating online she asked if I was seeing someone, at that time my wife (it feels odd using the word wife) was pregnant, I stylishly dodged the question but she another she insisted I answered and I just had to confess I had a gf.

She thanked me for telling the truth, we continued playing chess but it wasn’t as often. One time we were playing and started teasing sexually, she played along and was surprised I even mentioned anything sexual. Few months after, I got married but never mentioned it to her. I fear I might lose her while going through a marriage I never wanted.
During this period I withdrew from all form of communication, I was trying to figure out my life yet distracted. She kept sending messages on WhatsApp which I ignored until after about 2 months, I responded and she was upset that after connecting so well I suddenly withdrew.
She asked if I had a meltdown or emotional breakdown which I denied. Just told her I was detoxing from social media but I was back for good. So we continued chatting for another 3 months and decided we saw a movie together. After the movie I told her I wanted to see more of her. Eventually after some weeks, I invited her over and we got intimate. It wasn’t the best of experience for her as she claims to have been celibate for over a year.

When she got home that night we discussed our sex extensively and she said she has never experienced orgasm and has always had painful. I felt I could change that experience for her. The next time she came over she asked if I truly had a gf since we spend alot of time communicating online, this time around I said I did but due to the distance we had issues and the rship isnt heading anywhere. I knew it was selfish of me but I wasn’t ready to let go. After the third attempt she had her 1st orgasm and i could tell she wasn’t ready to let go either.

After a while she got suspicious, she would tell me she had a dream of a short black lady chasing her out of my room and I kept reassuring her it was impossible but she kept insisting this dreams were recurring but I kept denying I had a gf or wife. She described my wife perfectly and I just wondered how some people are gifted with the ability to see things in dreams. All through the while she insisted on protection as she couldn’t trust me completely. She grew more suspicious daily and I got defensive everytime and this started causing a strain in our relationship.
During this period we were dating and I asked her if she publicizes her rship on social media and she mentioned no, then later she asked me what I was hiding but i got defensive and we had a major argument.